60 lbs in 6 months!

Yes, you read that title correctly. I have stopped nursing now that Claire is 6 months old so that I can give this my full attention. Please don't assume that I recommend that for everyone, but I really felt that since my baby is very healthy and the feelings of urgency I've been having concerning getting healthy, that it was the way to go for me.

Before you become a skeptic about this goal, I would like to say a few things. First, I have to thank my sweet friend Elizabeth. She and Patty and I have been watching the tv show "Biggest Loser" (hereafter referred to as BL) together. This is the first season I have watched, and we just saw the finale. I was so moved that these people were able to make such big changes, not just in their bodies, but in their lives. I think about the things the trainers say to them ("I'm trying to save your life, here!" -Bob "Unless you are puking or passing out, keep walking!" -Jillian). Admittedly, they (especially Jillian) frighten me a bit. But I see the value in what they are trying to instill--serious change is hard, but reachable.

Elizabeth was trying to help me be realistic when I told her that I wanted to do 60 lbs in 6 months, telling me that it's the kind of thing that they do on BL, not in regular lives with regular people. I was definitely taken aback. I thought to myself, "Why would she say that to me? Who says I can't?" I asked Patty, who has had great success in her weight loss ventures, and she said that I could do it if I was truly willing to work hard and sacrifice. I realized that for me the key was the sacrificing.

The thing is, Elizabeth was right. In the place I was before, I could not have done it, because I would not have done it. Why is that? Because I was the overweight/fat person who wanted to be skinny, but not work and sacrifice to give up the junk and lazy/excuse making attitiude, the alcoholic that doesn't want to be a drunk but doesn't want to give up drinking, the liar who wants to be trusted but not at the cost of admitting mistakes and being honest at all times. Okay, so I'm not all of those things, but you understand what I am saying, right? I realized two things that I already knew, but wasn't making use of: 1. True change is hard. 2. So what? I CAN DO HARD THINGS. Who says I can't? My good friend spurred me, and made me realize that it really is up to me to make it happen and I can't be like I was before--that's what got me into that position in the first place. I feel different now, because I am different. This realization has truly changed me on the inside. Now, I will show everyone, and myself, that I can.

Now, for the goal. I plan to lose 60 lbs in 6 months, 10 lbs a month, approximately 2.3 lbs a week. I know that 2 lbs a week is healthy weight loss, and that is fine with me. If I lose more, great. If I don't get a total of 60, I know I will still have made a great improvement in my health, and my life. The timeline is the first Monday in January of 2009 to the first Monday in July 2009.

I have arranged for a personal trainer to come to my house and help me train with the equipment I have here on the first Tuesday of every month. It will cost $25 for a half an hour--in the long run, $25 a month for 6 months is a lot cheaper than medical bills. I will need to exercise 6 days a week (including when I am on vacation).

I have to eat well every day, about 5 times a day. Sundays I won't exercise, and I will allow myself 1/2 to 1 cup of dessert, depending on how bad it is. No other sweets during the week. I plan on improving my 5 a day for fruits and veggies and including more plant based proteins into my diet. My target range for calorie intake each day is between 1200-1550 calories.

Every Monday, I will take and post my weight (in pounds). The first Monday of every month, I will take and post pictures, measurements (in inches), and body fat %.

I plan on writing down everything that I eat (I'll do a calorie counter at SparkPeople--a free website with lots of great resources) and report my daily caloric intake and how I feel I did each day.

Another way that I hope to keep myself accountable is by seeing that someone else is counting on me. A wonderful family at my church is made up of Bryce, Angie (the parents), Blake, Afton, Alyssa, & Bennett (the kids). Blake and Bennett are both autistic of varying levels. Bryce and Angie have created a non-profit organization called Have Fun, Inc. They offer activities, services and other helps to families that have special needs. They don't just deal with autism, but also blind people, quadrepeligics, parapeligics, down syndrome, etc. I have decided that if you are so inclined, I would like to invite anyone who would want to to pledge any desired amount of money for each pound that I lose that will go directly to Have Fun, Inc. If you don't want to, but know of someone else who might want to donate to this organization, please spread the word. In talking to Angie about this, she and Bryce have also decided to make goals of their own. Angie is doing the 60 in 6 like me, and Bryce is going to do 30 in 3. I am really excited to be able to do this for those familes and for myself. If you are interested, then please make a comment with your pledge, or click the link above to Have Fun, and contact them with your pledge.

Today is Monday, as well as the first Monday of January, so here's all the information I promised (sorry about the pics, it ain't pretty...):

I used the eliptical for 1.25 miles in 30 minutes. Not bad for a first workout. I'll post an addendum to this blog entry later tonight with my caloric info.

Weight: 208.2

Body Fat %: 42.0

Upper Thigh: 26.5

Hips: 45.75

Waist: 38.5

Bust: 48.75

Upper Arm: 13.75

Neck: 15

Addendum: Well, I blew my caloric intake at dinner. I didn't plan ahead well enough; I should have done better calculating how to trim at dinner because of the calories I ate earlier in the day. Oh well, I now know what I need to do--Adjust calories earlier in the day, or trim things down a bit for dinner if I've eaten more calories at the 4 earlier meals. My target calorie intake for each day is between 1200-1500 calories a day. I ended up having 1937 calories. My protein (104 g) and fat (52 g) intake were in range (60-136 for protein and 27-60 for fat). I had 22 g more than I was supposed to in order to stay in range for the carbs (135-252 g). Today I will plan better to stay in the target range.

Hold ON

Okay, so I was bound and determined not to get anymore size 16 jeans, the size I am in now. To me, it is almost like an admission of guilt or an admission of not achieving change. Then, 2 days ago, I realize something that I have seen before, something embarrassing and not cool. Where my too large thighs touch each other, my jeans have rubbed so much that I now have holes right there, near the crotch of the jeans. This may be due in part to the fact that I would only allow myself one pair of jeans in order to help me feel motivated to get in shape so that I don't have to get more than 1 pair at a time of a larger size. However, I have to admit that the main reason is because of my size and that I've taken so long to get into good and fit shape. This, of course, did not make me feel good. All this was right after I just got a fun workout video to start, and registered at WOWY.com--a website where you are assigned a coach to help you through the tough times when you are trying to get fit. So, I was feeling a bit down, combined with the stress of trying to organize & clean my house. So, what is the answer? Make cookies, of course. I knew that this would throw me off for a good 3 days to a week with my plan, but I was fighting with myself between deciding if it was something I needed, wanted, or a combo thereof. I took out the margarine to soften, and then didn't end up with time to make them. I was totally going to continue the plan and make them today (because I make GREAT cookies), because I already ate some other things yesterday that messed me up. I was going to have sweet stuff for breakfast too, but then I felt I shouldn't make it worse than it was, and I would feel better if I just had whole wheat bread, peanut butter and skim milk. It was true; I felt filled and resisted the urge to eat sweet stuff after that just because 'my mouth wanted it', so to speak. Then, I needed to do some laundry, and my holey jeans were needing to be washed. I was still having the same fight about the cookies with myself this morning. Then, a thought came--"Try on the new size 14 jeans that you bought for incentive before you got pregnant." So, I did. At first, I thought it would be like it was the last time I tried it on--could barely pull it over my hips, if at all. Then, they came up. Snug, but they came up. I thought, 'I won't really be able to button them'. I was about to just pull them off. "Try to button them." So, I did. Guess what? They buttoned. It was snug, my stomach fat rolled over the edge just a tad, but it wasn't really uncomfortable, except for the view. :) But I won't let that take away from my joy. I could put them on! So, that little bit of progress gave me what I needed to HOLD ON. I thank Thee, Heavenly Father. No cookies today.

confessions

I really didn't want to post the late weigh in because I was up to 207...terrible. However, I am happy to say I'm back to 205, at least. Our home computer isn't cooperating, so I don't know if I can post my measurements tomorrow. I'll 'keep you posted', though.

oops!

Today is Monday, but I spaced out on taking my weight and measurements this morning...and I can't find my tape measure. Last time we used a string and Thomas' regular tape measure. I think that if I can't find my soft one, that the measurements will have to wait until I get another. I'll do my weight tomorrow morning.

And again

Well, the week wasn't too bad, but it wasn't too good either. I did really well for a couple of days out of the week, but a few days were just as bad as before. Looking back, I realize that I really could have controlled myself just as easily as before, but I didn't reign in my thoughts and fill them with something else besides the junk food I was thinking about before. I feel that is the key for my addiction/behavior--redirecting thoughts and also filling my thoughts/mouth with better thoughts/harmless food (celery, etc).

I also need to do better with exercise. It seems that I am still having a hard time with my old "all or none" attitude when it comes to exercise. Instead of feeling like I have to do it at 6am or I can't do it at all, I need to accept that getting it done at all is better than flaking out all together. Morning is better for me, but getting it done at all is better for me than no exercising at all.

I wasn't able to exercise yet this morning, but true to my word of trying to get it done with a better attitude today, I plan to do it when Sam and Claire take naps today.

Thank you for all those who are checking on me and comment and support me. I love you all.

Since I flaked for a while before starting up this week, I think I actually gained 3 lbs--how sad is that--between my first weight and this past Monday. So, I'll be posting my new (hopefully not too much more) weight and measurements, and finally put on my before picture. I plan on putting on the same kind of picture as what they do with The Biggest Loser tv show. Not flattering, but that's the point of this whole thing: to expose my problem and watch as it gets better.

the result

Okay, I have to say...I make REALLY GOOD cinnamon rolls. Oh man.

Okay, it's out of my system now.

I did what I planned: I had some carrots and celery, some cottage cheese with pepper, water, and a handful of grapes, and then I had a cinnamon roll. I won't have any other sweets today. I am allowing myself to be satisfied with the amount I've already consumed.

Finally!!!

I exercised today!...finally.

I decided that I would use my second hand eliptical machine today for the first time (don't ask how long I've had it for). However, when I got downstairs, I realized it wouldn't turn on and we were out of D batteries. So, trying to avoid the default 'difficult' setting and hating the machine forever because of it, I decided to go up and down my basement stairs. So, I did this 10 times in a row. Wow, I'll be feeling that tomorrow.

Then I did 15 calf raises on the bottom stair, holding my up position for 10 seconds every 5 lifts. Then, I did 30 crunches, 20 reverse crunches, 30 back lifts, and 36 shoulder raises and 36 incline dumbell presses. I used ultra-light weights, because my muscle tone has gone to pot. I used to be really strong and had great muscle, even if I have never been really slim. I think that is the part that I'm most looking forward to: being strong again, not just looking and feeling good.

I decided to try Smart Balance Peanut Butter (I already use the Smart Balance buttery spread--what a great product! I love the compromise) made with peanuts, flaxseed and palm fruit oils, molasses and salt. I always equate the taste of omega oils with fishy oil, because that's the first experience that I had with that stuff and the oil was ULTRA fishy. So, when I tasted this peanut butter, my first thought was, "fishy peanut butter...eww!" Don't get me wrong, I really like fish! I love halibut, salmon and trout especially. However, this didn't taste like fish...it tastes fishy...just to me, though. It doesn't help that I still have really sensitive taste from pregnancy. I'm going to keep using it because it's a better alternative right now, for me, than regular peanut butter while I'm trying to change my eating habits. I'm sure that I will get used to it pretty soon. I just need to limit the amount of jam or honey on the sandwich and not get too zealous about covering up the flavor.

I made cinnamon rolls yesterday. I really wanted one this morning for breakfast. I decided that I wouldn't restrict myself, but just discipline myself. I realized that if I had one in the morning, I would probably start to sugar crash later, and then eat another, and then probably eat yet another one later. So, I decided I would have one this afternoon after I have something else good (like carrots &/or lettuce & a little bit of cottage cheese) around snack time and then let that satisfy my want of sweets for the day. I think if I allow myself one thing each day instead of trying to pull everything out at once, there may be a point when I don't care to have any at all for more than a day at a time. I totally feel good about that.

My friend has invited me and some other ladies over to watch "The Biggest Loser" at her house every week. She says it's good motivation. I'm excited to go this week.

I'm feeling peaceful knowing that I'm heading in the correct direction and that I will soon be feeling better than I have in a long while.