Hold ON

Okay, so I was bound and determined not to get anymore size 16 jeans, the size I am in now. To me, it is almost like an admission of guilt or an admission of not achieving change. Then, 2 days ago, I realize something that I have seen before, something embarrassing and not cool. Where my too large thighs touch each other, my jeans have rubbed so much that I now have holes right there, near the crotch of the jeans. This may be due in part to the fact that I would only allow myself one pair of jeans in order to help me feel motivated to get in shape so that I don't have to get more than 1 pair at a time of a larger size. However, I have to admit that the main reason is because of my size and that I've taken so long to get into good and fit shape. This, of course, did not make me feel good. All this was right after I just got a fun workout video to start, and registered at WOWY.com--a website where you are assigned a coach to help you through the tough times when you are trying to get fit. So, I was feeling a bit down, combined with the stress of trying to organize & clean my house. So, what is the answer? Make cookies, of course. I knew that this would throw me off for a good 3 days to a week with my plan, but I was fighting with myself between deciding if it was something I needed, wanted, or a combo thereof. I took out the margarine to soften, and then didn't end up with time to make them. I was totally going to continue the plan and make them today (because I make GREAT cookies), because I already ate some other things yesterday that messed me up. I was going to have sweet stuff for breakfast too, but then I felt I shouldn't make it worse than it was, and I would feel better if I just had whole wheat bread, peanut butter and skim milk. It was true; I felt filled and resisted the urge to eat sweet stuff after that just because 'my mouth wanted it', so to speak. Then, I needed to do some laundry, and my holey jeans were needing to be washed. I was still having the same fight about the cookies with myself this morning. Then, a thought came--"Try on the new size 14 jeans that you bought for incentive before you got pregnant." So, I did. At first, I thought it would be like it was the last time I tried it on--could barely pull it over my hips, if at all. Then, they came up. Snug, but they came up. I thought, 'I won't really be able to button them'. I was about to just pull them off. "Try to button them." So, I did. Guess what? They buttoned. It was snug, my stomach fat rolled over the edge just a tad, but it wasn't really uncomfortable, except for the view. :) But I won't let that take away from my joy. I could put them on! So, that little bit of progress gave me what I needed to HOLD ON. I thank Thee, Heavenly Father. No cookies today.