good deeds 8)

A lot of emphasis is given to doing good deeds for others, but it's good to do them for yourself also. Here are my good deeds:

Yesterday-
Doing a real workout yesterday that I can feel today.
Staying within nutritional goal ranges and putting in the good stuff instead of junk.
(1382 cals, 33g fat, 158g carbs, 110g protein, 8 cups water)
Today-
Winning the fight with myself and finally getting up and doing the full 30 mins of cardio with the full 5 rotations of speed bursts and everything.
Eating a good breakfast, rather, drinking a good breakfast. A protein loaded breakfast smoothie every morning ensures I get good nutrition that is fast to make and quick to drink.

I finally sucked it up!

Okay, so watching BL last night flipped on yet another little light.

This under 5'8", 19 yr old kid, who weighed over 400 lbs when he started the show (it's week 4 now), was able to run 7 miles and hour for 5 mins. This was because his trainer kept pushing him. He kept saying, "I feel like I can't breathe!" as he was running, but the trainer said quickly to him, "But you ARE breathing..."

That did something to me. When we feel like we can't, most of the time we really can--we just tend to psych ourselves out or take the easy way out of saying "I can't". We can, it's just hard.

I finally sucked it up and did a full rotation of my cardio workout (30 mins) as well as a full rotation of weights this morning. I'm so happy. What's sad is that it wasn't really even THAT hard...I had just convinced myself it was. The worst part was fighting with myself this morning, deciding if I really wanted to get out of bed and 'put myself thru that'. How silly.

Yesterday's Nutrition: I stayed in range, but didn't do the full counts. I probably could have had 1 or 2 more cups of water. I just feel better today.

PT Connie will be here on Tuesday to check on my measurements and push my workout. I'll take the next set of pics on that day. I hope I look better. Woo-hoo!!!

How I did yesterday

Yesterday's nutritional intake was:

1418 calories
36g fat
181g carbs
100g protein
6 cups water

I've decided to post the water also, because it is important and I think I will do better if I report how much I'm getting. I'm doing well today with food, but I didn't exercise yesterday or today. I really need to make more of an effort to get to bed on time and get up on time so that exercise happens. At one of the workshops last weekend, a lady who came to talk about time management told us a quote she had once heard:
"Every day, do something on purpose."
I am going to impliment that in my life. I want purpose in my life, so that's what I'm going to do. Besides, Connie will be coming next Monday, and I don't want to be as weak as I was the first time she came. And that's that.

End of Week 3 report

I have to say, my scale reading and my clothes o meter are a disappointment today, but truly to be expected with what has happened this past week/weekend. I attribute that to:

1. Not planning ahead for the food I would eat while out of town and bring it myself or make other arrangements ahead of time
2. That 'womanly time' accounts for maybe .5 lbs of that weight
3. Not really getting exercise
4. Not catching myself slipping into the old habit of eating carbs when feeling snacky, especially at night--nothing wrong with carbs, but if you're eating them at night when you are more sedentary (especially after being sedentary all day long at workshops and lectures), your body has no choice but to store them as fat if they are not being used.

As you may have noticed, I have listed 3 of the 4 reasons as things I did NOT do. Part of this experience is learning to be more proactive instead of reactive in many facets of my life. This is just another opportunity to learn, grow, and act. So, down to business:

Last Week's Weight: 200
Today's Weight: 202.8
Difference: +2.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 5.2 lbs

I was sorely tempted to feign forgetfulness about weighing in this morning, but what would that really help, besides hiding what would have been a shameful admission in the past? I say it would have been shameful before because I refuse to be ashamed about this when I am still learning. It was not purposeful, and I didn't try to gorge myself on sweets or anything. When I child is learning to walk or speak, we don't make them feel ashamed about the mistakes they make, we encourage them to keep trying until they get it right. I have accepted that I am worthy of the same encouragement; believe it or not, that is the most difficult part of no just getting started, but sticking with it (the habit forming 28 days and beyond) for so many people. This is a journey--when I hit a pothole in the road, I will certainly cringe about it, but that doesn't mean I pull over and stay there, or that I will go back home and hide. You learn from the mistake and drive on--hopefully wiser. Don't give up.

I'll post today's nutritional intake tomorrow.

PS: I'd like to say a quick word about artificial sweetners:
If you can at all avoid them, do. I learned something about myself and sweeteners, having tried many 'lifestyle change' diets. If you are an emotional eater, then the diets that encourage substitutes do not really help with a lifestyle change because you're substituting instead of dealing with whatever is really your problem, not to mention that they contain chemicals that are really bad for you. Example: recently, I had a difficulty with my hubby. All I could think about was ice cream. I could have drowned my issues in no sugar added icecream, but I would have been doing something TO myself instead of FOR myself, which is a habit I'm really trying hard to break.
A better option: taking out your frustration on your treadmill or crunches or jumprope or whatever, and then voicing the emotional eating feelings out loud as well as voicing your frustrations with the person you have the problem with (using the good ol' "I feel..." phrases to avoid opening up a new can of worms).

I'm baaaaaaaack!

I'm back from my weekend away. I didn't count calories, and probably went a bit over because of that, but I am happy to say that I didn't go get seconds of any food, and I didn't have any sweets at all (not even the mints on the tables during workshops), and I tried to keep my portions reasonable and leave out all sour cream/salad dressing type foods.

I wasn't able to do exercise like I had hoped, but I was finally able to go swimming last night, and I can feel it today. I didn't just play in the water, I treaded water, I did different strokes in small laps that I repeated until I had to catch my breath, and a few other things to test some strength as well as get my heart rate up. I love swimming. I also was able to go roller skating the first night there. Oh, and there was a man there who goes skating there everyday because, from what the locals there told me, because of his health issues he will die if he exercises and will die if he doesn't exercise. I guess that roller blading is the inbetween that his doctors find acceptable. Needless to say, he is a really good skater! If I could do a few things here in Rexburg, I would make sure we had a good roller rink and a few good indoor public swimming pools. Love it.

It should be obvious to everyone who has been reading past posts that eventhough I didn't reach my goal of 6 days of exercise and wasn't able to count calories on all the days, I will only be a failure if I let that keep me down. I feel like I will be able to meet those goals this week. I hope that my weight will be alright...it is possible that it won't be a good prognosis, but I can always do better--if I choose to, and I do.

The article came out the day I left town. Here it is:
http://rexburgstandardjournal.com/articles/2009/01/22/news/32.txt

Newspaper & counting

I'm catching up again and have a little blurb as well.

I haven't had time to make all the counts for the last few days. So here's the rundown:

Monday: food within range and did exercise well.
Tuesday: Food above range (hubby's bday--I didn't have any cake or icecream, but I did splurge on the bday supper), probably around 1700 cals. I did exercise well.
Wednesday: food within range, on the low side, didn't exercise. :(
Today: Haven't exercised yet, but I hope I can get it in. I'll not be able to post again until Saturday night at the earliest. I'll update more then.

I didn't have anyone saying they wanted to donate to HaveFun Inc. yet, so I called the local paper, thinking they would put a quick blurb in there with my blog site and the have fun site, but no. They want to do a whole spiel with another weight loss story...and asked if they can use my before pics. I said yes, and then they called and said they wanted me to email them because 'they weren't big enough' when downloaded from the site. I emailed them, and then hubby made me realize that if the pics weren't big enough, they would probably put them on the front page during a slow newsday. I had to laugh or else I would have cried. I think I'm glad I'll be going out of town for a while. Well, if that's not motivation, I don't know what is. Ouch.

End of Week 2 report

Again, had a bit more dessert than intended after Sunday supper, but for a different reason.

Last weight: 204.2
Today's weight: 200
Difference: 4.2 lbs
Total weight loss: 8.2 lbs!

PT Connie called me today to see how I was doing. She said as long as I am eating enough calories, my muscle won't be wasting away on the days I miss exercising. She said that the way I am eating just gives my metabolism a kickstart. However, I do need to do better on my goal this week.

Goal: Exercise 6 days this week. 6 days cardio, 3 days weights.

Oops

Two of those, actually.
1. Didn't get to the exercise.
2. UNDERate calories yesterday, but not by too much. 1126 cals, 28g fat, 145g carb, 80g protein That's not good because the body thinks it's starving and you will store fat and water that way. I need to pay more attention.

A Quick Blurb--Emotional Eating

A couple of my friends have commented on the 'emotional eating' issue. Baking is also exactly what I wanted to do, and did, when I was stressed. I got to be a great baker, and 215 lbs. Not good. I still allow myself to bake something on Sundays or Saturday nights for Sunday, but by Sunday evening, if there are leftover sweets that won't be eaten by the end of FHE the next day (me not eating them; it's just for the family), then I give them away. The family not having stuff all the rest of the week is just fine. If there is no one to give them away to, then you just have to bite the bullet and throw it away. PT Connie said that she believes in the 80/20 rule. If you eat well 80% of the time, you can have a treat now and again during the other 20%. For me, I think it has to be more like 95/5 for this first month, and then 90/10 after that. I'm okay with that.

Catching Up & Introspection

Here are my calorie counts from Mon-Thurs:
Monday: 1431 cals, 29g fat, 186g carb, 113g protein
Tuesday: 1276 cals, 40g fat, 146g carb, 88g protein
Wednesday: 1478 cals, 31g fat, 195g carb, 99g protein
Thursday: 1486 cals, 26g fat, 219g carb, 103g protein

Tuesday I had the least calories, but the most fat. That came from having pb on bread, and trying flax in my breakfast smoothie. I can have natural pb, but I do have to be careful about overstepping my limits. I didn't that day, but could have easily.

Workouts:
Monday: none :(
Tuesday: cardio and weights
Wednesday: cardio
Thursday: none, again. :(
Today: I haven't done it yet, but I am going to, at least, do some cardio. I will do some weights and more cardio tomorrow.

I'm recognizing more now how much of an emotional eater I was. Something, actually 2 separate incidents, happened yesterday that really upset me. I realized later, that the thought of cookies or ice cream kept returning to my mind. That made me see again that I'd always tried to 'cure' myself of my worries. It doesn't work that way. That kind of self-medication makes you sicker, adds to your problem.

Life doesn't go away. Trying to change what you can change, and dealing with the things you can't change are the only options. For me, eating ice cream or whatever wasn't actually dealing with the things I couldn't change...it just very temporarily focused my energy on the taste of something. The problem is that taste doesn't last...only 'inner peace', so to speak, will do that. When the taste is gone, you will just want more masking. And more. And more. I don't want to be an addict anymore. I do want to work to change, and I am.

Failure...So What?!

I was looking at another person's blog and decided to post this quote about and video about failure from her blog in light of a conversation with a good friend the other day. I love ya, girl. :)

What we do after we fail will determine where we go in life! Enjoy this video on people who have failed and what would have happened if they never got back up.

End of week 1 report

I think I did pretty well last week. The only thing is that I made a few mistakes.
1. Considering all the carbs I had at Sunday Supper and after, I should have compensated by having more protein earlier in the day, even if it is the day that I am a bit more relaxed. I allow myself to have roast and all that like usual on Sunday, and I did pretty well. I think that next time I will use a smaller plate (a tip from a few friends of mine) so that I won't take as much if I'm going to allow myself to do this. Also, I made a cake from a box mix, and used premade frosting. I had 1/24th of the cake, and it wasn't as fulfilling as I had hoped, so later I had another piece, and then had the same feeling so I made myself 1/2 c of instant pudding. Then, I felt totally sick...I wanted to throw up. I was tempted to make myself throw up, but I didn't think that would be a good place to go. So, instead, I learned from it. If I'm going to indulge myself once a week, then I may as well make a dessert from scratch that really does for me what I want it to do: feed my sweet tooth just a bit, and feel like it did the job in a smaller amount so that I won't feel the need to have more. I imagine I probably consumed around 2000 cals. I need to be more careful, even on my 'day off'. At least trying to keep track a bit better would be good, because then even if I go over my limit, then I will know better where I am.
2. I did weigh myself this morning, but made a realization. The weight loss was great, but I wonder if I shot myself in the foot this week by reducing the calories and not doing my weight training. I hope that it wasn't all muscle loss that created a good number. I'm going to be doing my weights and cardio this week and take this week's number with a grain of salt. Also, if my numbers next Monday and for the rest of the month aren't very good, I shall also take that with a grain of salt since I will hopefully be building some muscle, and muscle weighs more than fat. I'll know for sure that it will be because of muscle gain if my numbers aren't good because I can be confident in the foods I eat and their amounts.

So, down to business:

Starting Weight: 208.2
Today's Weight: 204.2
You do the math! :) Okay, I'll do it.
Weight Loss: 4 lbs

Funny Blog entry entitled "I've had an affair"

I saw this blog entry on sparkpeople.com and thought it was too funny not to post (slightly edited):

Friday, January 02, 2009
So it's time to come out and admit it.
I've been having an affair with my fridge. It started sometime in November or December, and slowly became more passionate until the recent Christmas break, when it moprhed into what could almost be called psychotic infatuation and criminal stalking. Needless to say I've been neglecting the gym as a result, and the gym has decided to take revenge.
The first thing the gym did was tell my pants. My pants and I had really been getting on this year, they were comfy, they fit, I had new ones.... but maybe this was the problem. Maybe my pants were secretly getting nervous that as I'd discarded their predecessors so eagerly they thought they were heading for the same fate. So my pants listened to what my gym had to say and decided to take action. Then they told the scales.
The scales were very upset and started saying horrible and nasty things to me. They told me I weighed 179 lb the other day, and only a couple of months ago I was 169. I was unable to convince the scales that my relationship with them should not be impacted by my relationships with either the gym, the fridge, or indeed my pants, but my poor scales are codependent and wouldn't listen. My pants by this stage had done all this in vain as I was now in the verge of dumping them and going back to find their predecessors, which to me were not only more comfortable, but far nicer. This was too much and my pants told my mirror.
The mirror, never known for diplomacy, was blunt. It yelled at me YOU'VE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE FRIDGE. A BIG, LONG, PASSIONATE AFFAIR. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO EVERYBODY!! HOW COULD YOU? And every time I walk past the mirror, it yells it. Then of course, being an interconnected species, every other mirror in the universe got on the bandwagon, and now even when I'm washing my hands at work, the mirror in the ladies' bathroom yells YOU FOOD SLUT! I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING WITH THE FRIDGE. ONLY A MONTH AGO YOU HAD CHEEKBONES BUT NOW YOU HAVE A DOUBLE CHIN! So, of course, I'm in the toilet with pretty much every household appliance that doesn't live in the kitchen. Half my wardrobe is yelling at me. None of the mirrors like me either. So - I'm back on SparkPeople, I've joined a heap of challenges, I've got my gym class schedule on my fridge and I'm signing up for a triathlon or two.

PS: I've done well eating today. I had 1377 calories, 176g carbs, 29g fat, 108g protein. I also cheated and stepped onto the scale this afternoon. I know that scales aren't exact in reporting what is going on in the body, but I have to say, that if the trend keeps up, I'm going to be feeling a bit excited come Monday morning!

Nutritional Report & exercise

I've had a hard time exercising this week, concentrating on the food stuff, family and a visitor. I'm going to start again on doing the exercises Monday. I will get on the eliptical before then, but I'm going to start the regimen that PT Connie laid out for me on that day.

Yesterday, I had 1515 cals, 35g fat, 198g carbs, 108g protein. Definitely doing better with that. Last night we had Baked Egg Rolls. They were really tasty, even without the dipping sauce. The only things I do differently is line my cookie sheet with parchment, use water instead of eggwhite to seal them up, spray after they are on the cookie sheet, and cook the ingredients in a large nonstick pan (don't chill) and tip it to drain away the juice and use that for the dipping sauce instead. If you want the recipe, look here: Baked Egg Rolls

PS: My friend Erin made a point about a good tip for anyone else trying to get on this wagon:
Include protein in every meal and snack. Soy protein is a good, complete protein to include if you don't want to use meat so much. Just make sure that you don't have more than 8 oz a day of unfermented soy protein (like soy milk or fresh soy beans). There are way too many hormones and other naturally occuring chemicals that are not good for you when they are in abundance. Try including tofu and/or soy protein powder a few times a week. Thanks, Erin!

Nutritional Report

I ended up putting off my exercise yesterday until 'the right time' and it didn't get done. I need to really get out of the "all or none" attitude when it comes to this. I didn't get up on time to exercise this morning, but I am not letting another day go without doing my exercise.

Good news, yesterday I stayed in range in my food! It wasn't even that hard, it just took dedication and better planning. I had 1274 calories, 28g fat, 169g carb, 95g protein. Bad news, I don't think I got quite enough water. I'm going to do better on that today also. More reporting later. Thank you for your support!

First Day with a trainer

Today, I did 200 calories better than yesterday, but still overstepped my caloric goal for the day. I made whole wheat bread today that I knew was really tasty, and so I had 1 and a half slices, eventhough I had already had a carb for dinner, in the form of pasta. Other than that, I did well. This morning, my new personal trainer (PT), Connie, came over and we talked nutrition and fitness. She gave me a kickstart meal guideline, that basically eliminates sugars and fat, while including more essential fats, like the omega oils (flax or fish---hmm flax of course! Last time I tried fish oil, I burped fish ALL. DAY. LONG.). The very restrictive one is only supposed to be during the first month, so I can 'detox', so to speak. Eventually, I can start adding some other things back in so I don't feel so restricted, but still have a better eating lifestyle from now on. One tip that I think will help me is to have my carbs during the day, when I need them for the most activity. She said to try not to have any carbs after 5pm, just having protein and veg for dinner. That is my goal to do that for dinner the rest of the week.
PT Connie also told me that she doesn't want me to use a scale because of a few things: 1. Muscle is heavier than fat 2. She doesn't want me to feel like I'm not making progress if I don't lose 2.3 or more pounds a month. 3. People stress more about pounds than size. She wants me to use the "clothes-o-meter", so that I will see how I'm doing according to how loose my clothes are. She took measurements around my middle at my belly button, widest part of my hips, and the middle of my upper thigh. They are in slightly different places than the measurements I took, except for the hips. She wants me to go by those measurements rather than pounds. However, I feel like I really have a good grasp on the reality of weight loss, and I do truly understand that what the scale says doesn't always reflect the progress that actually goes on in a body becoming healthy, so I will still do my weekly Monday weigh-ins. Here are the measurements she took this morning:
Belly:40
Hips:45.5
Thigh:22.5

She also gave me a list of exercises to do, for both weight training and cardio. I am to do cardio everyday, and weight training every other day. With the cardio, I am supposed to work up to doing a 30 min workout, with a 5 min warm up and cool down, and using the other 20 mins to do Speed Bursts for 2 mins, recover for 2 mins and repeat 5 times. That will totally be intense. When she had me try a couple of each weight exercise, I began to truly feel the punishment for letting my body waste away its muscles. Wow... I was jelly legs, and can still kind of "feel the burn" in my inner right thigh. I know, however, that it won't be like that forever. I'm going to make this happen, and I WILL get stronger. She also told me that I can do abs everyday, if I want to.

Here's a ranch dressing/dip recipe for you that PT Connie says comes from the South Beach diet. It's like dipping your veggies in straight protein.

Fat free cottage cheese
Skim Milk
Packet of ranch dressing mix

Put it all in a blender and mix to desired consistency.

How easy is that! Oh, and I REALLY need to remember to stretch from now on...I'm saying 'ouch', in my head at least, every time I get up to walk.

60 lbs in 6 months!

Yes, you read that title correctly. I have stopped nursing now that Claire is 6 months old so that I can give this my full attention. Please don't assume that I recommend that for everyone, but I really felt that since my baby is very healthy and the feelings of urgency I've been having concerning getting healthy, that it was the way to go for me.

Before you become a skeptic about this goal, I would like to say a few things. First, I have to thank my sweet friend Elizabeth. She and Patty and I have been watching the tv show "Biggest Loser" (hereafter referred to as BL) together. This is the first season I have watched, and we just saw the finale. I was so moved that these people were able to make such big changes, not just in their bodies, but in their lives. I think about the things the trainers say to them ("I'm trying to save your life, here!" -Bob "Unless you are puking or passing out, keep walking!" -Jillian). Admittedly, they (especially Jillian) frighten me a bit. But I see the value in what they are trying to instill--serious change is hard, but reachable.

Elizabeth was trying to help me be realistic when I told her that I wanted to do 60 lbs in 6 months, telling me that it's the kind of thing that they do on BL, not in regular lives with regular people. I was definitely taken aback. I thought to myself, "Why would she say that to me? Who says I can't?" I asked Patty, who has had great success in her weight loss ventures, and she said that I could do it if I was truly willing to work hard and sacrifice. I realized that for me the key was the sacrificing.

The thing is, Elizabeth was right. In the place I was before, I could not have done it, because I would not have done it. Why is that? Because I was the overweight/fat person who wanted to be skinny, but not work and sacrifice to give up the junk and lazy/excuse making attitiude, the alcoholic that doesn't want to be a drunk but doesn't want to give up drinking, the liar who wants to be trusted but not at the cost of admitting mistakes and being honest at all times. Okay, so I'm not all of those things, but you understand what I am saying, right? I realized two things that I already knew, but wasn't making use of: 1. True change is hard. 2. So what? I CAN DO HARD THINGS. Who says I can't? My good friend spurred me, and made me realize that it really is up to me to make it happen and I can't be like I was before--that's what got me into that position in the first place. I feel different now, because I am different. This realization has truly changed me on the inside. Now, I will show everyone, and myself, that I can.

Now, for the goal. I plan to lose 60 lbs in 6 months, 10 lbs a month, approximately 2.3 lbs a week. I know that 2 lbs a week is healthy weight loss, and that is fine with me. If I lose more, great. If I don't get a total of 60, I know I will still have made a great improvement in my health, and my life. The timeline is the first Monday in January of 2009 to the first Monday in July 2009.

I have arranged for a personal trainer to come to my house and help me train with the equipment I have here on the first Tuesday of every month. It will cost $25 for a half an hour--in the long run, $25 a month for 6 months is a lot cheaper than medical bills. I will need to exercise 6 days a week (including when I am on vacation).

I have to eat well every day, about 5 times a day. Sundays I won't exercise, and I will allow myself 1/2 to 1 cup of dessert, depending on how bad it is. No other sweets during the week. I plan on improving my 5 a day for fruits and veggies and including more plant based proteins into my diet. My target range for calorie intake each day is between 1200-1550 calories.

Every Monday, I will take and post my weight (in pounds). The first Monday of every month, I will take and post pictures, measurements (in inches), and body fat %.

I plan on writing down everything that I eat (I'll do a calorie counter at SparkPeople--a free website with lots of great resources) and report my daily caloric intake and how I feel I did each day.

Another way that I hope to keep myself accountable is by seeing that someone else is counting on me. A wonderful family at my church is made up of Bryce, Angie (the parents), Blake, Afton, Alyssa, & Bennett (the kids). Blake and Bennett are both autistic of varying levels. Bryce and Angie have created a non-profit organization called Have Fun, Inc. They offer activities, services and other helps to families that have special needs. They don't just deal with autism, but also blind people, quadrepeligics, parapeligics, down syndrome, etc. I have decided that if you are so inclined, I would like to invite anyone who would want to to pledge any desired amount of money for each pound that I lose that will go directly to Have Fun, Inc. If you don't want to, but know of someone else who might want to donate to this organization, please spread the word. In talking to Angie about this, she and Bryce have also decided to make goals of their own. Angie is doing the 60 in 6 like me, and Bryce is going to do 30 in 3. I am really excited to be able to do this for those familes and for myself. If you are interested, then please make a comment with your pledge, or click the link above to Have Fun, and contact them with your pledge.

Today is Monday, as well as the first Monday of January, so here's all the information I promised (sorry about the pics, it ain't pretty...):

I used the eliptical for 1.25 miles in 30 minutes. Not bad for a first workout. I'll post an addendum to this blog entry later tonight with my caloric info.

Weight: 208.2

Body Fat %: 42.0

Upper Thigh: 26.5

Hips: 45.75

Waist: 38.5

Bust: 48.75

Upper Arm: 13.75

Neck: 15

Addendum: Well, I blew my caloric intake at dinner. I didn't plan ahead well enough; I should have done better calculating how to trim at dinner because of the calories I ate earlier in the day. Oh well, I now know what I need to do--Adjust calories earlier in the day, or trim things down a bit for dinner if I've eaten more calories at the 4 earlier meals. My target calorie intake for each day is between 1200-1500 calories a day. I ended up having 1937 calories. My protein (104 g) and fat (52 g) intake were in range (60-136 for protein and 27-60 for fat). I had 22 g more than I was supposed to in order to stay in range for the carbs (135-252 g). Today I will plan better to stay in the target range.